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arigatou (:

2006'01.24
When I look into the mirror in the morning, I thought the same thing as Shuuji: "I need to produce -me- today! It does seem like I'm fake isn't it? And I wonder, if that's me who is in class, being such an insane girl.

But now I want to say, yes, that's me! I wanted to show this face to them. It was natural. Even though I don't know why. Everybody has two faces. Behind that happy face, you wouldn't know if he/she is hiding something. But what does it matter?

Because it was my friends who shaped me into who I am, how I act. They made me feel comfortable with them. They make me feel, that they are always there for me. I don't care if it sounds like what everyone else says about their friends.

I was touched that day. After that asshole thought he could bully our class. It's how little actions mean so much.

You know.. maybe I wasn't putting on a mask at all! Because I accepted my friends. I trusted them. I trusted them so I dared to be like how I am in front of them.

Even though... when I get home, I will ask myself if that had been me, and I'd never have an answer to that. When I reach home, silence just engulfs me, and then there seems to be nobody there. I feel lonely. Sometimes my parents are so tired they don't respond no matter how energetic I am.

Sometimes... I like to throw out my childish side and not care if somebody sees it. I don't believe in acting my age! That's only for the boring, narrow-minded people.

Does it actually matter, that I don't know how to cook? That I am simply a tortise in the mountain who doesn't know what's happening in the world? Does it matter if I don't act my age? Does it matter, that I don't want YOU to define what I SHOULD do?

Don't define my life, and I won't define yours.

Ah. Recently, I feel a little disconnected with my friends. (Isn't it weird that I am so happy about friends at the start and now I say this?) Every day, my life simply includes my home, the school ground prison and that stretch of path between the school and my home. I can't escape. And the longer I don't get out of that arena, the MORE I want to stay at home. And within the arena.

Really, to reflect, DON'T depend on technology to determine your relationship with a friend.

And I miss all the A-baka people. *shouts* GENKI????? Vicky nee-chan, I miss you (:

ARTS rule. Totally. (random-ness)
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上記広告は1ヶ月以上更新のないブログに表示されています。新しい記事を書くことで広告を消せます。