There are millions and millions of Kiritani Shuuji in the world. I am one of them. I jumped from Kotani Nobuko to Kiritani Shuuji through primary school to secondary school to Junior College. But I never jumped on Kusano Akira. Even though Akira may be a baka, that simple happiness he has makes life so much more enjoyable for him.
I am the Shuuji who is fake. I am the Shuuji who lies. I am the Shuuji who thinks he feels secure because he has a lot of friends. I am the Shuuji who wants to believe he is happy. I am the Shuuji who is nice to people because he is afraid of losing his friends. But actually Shuuji feels lonely in the crowd. I am the Shuuji...who is afraid of being lonely. Kiritani Shuuji, who is afraid of a tomorrow where everyone will hate him. Shuuji-kun, who needs to understand that he needs to produce himself before he produces Nobuta. Me, who needs to discover what I actually am.
Yes I am afraid of people detesting me. I am afraid I did something wrong. I am afraid after all my "hard work" I have lied and hurt myself and others.
I am afraid of tomorrow. Tomorrow where I know at least one human being in the world hates me.
Shuuji, don't haunt me.
Please by some miracle, change myself to be like Akira. The less baka Akira.
The realization that Nobuta wo Produce had a hard impact on me on the road to discovering myself made me feel this drama is one I will remember forever. Who said dramas were pointless?
Even the novel may not be the exact thing, it might be a good read to realise something that you yourself knew but never brought it out and fully realise it. Produce yourself. Produce the real you. But at the same time, don't make yourself vulnerable.
Sylvia Plath is one of my favourite poets because of the many ways one can interpret her poems. Ever since I read 'Mushrooms' back in Secondary School. I admire Domoto Tsuyoshi because his voice is haunting, and there's something special about him. ...both of them suffered from depression. Does that mean I'm a depressing person?
So why do I always laugh?
It's as torturing to cry without a reason as when you feel like crying but can't cry.
Sometimes nobody knows why you cried, not even yourself.
There is something my brother cannot do. He cannot pull you out from the Manor of Depression. He can only stay inside with you and accompany you.