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kiritani shuuji desu.

2006'01.16
There are millions and millions of Kiritani Shuuji in the world. I am one of them. I jumped from Kotani Nobuko to Kiritani Shuuji through primary school to secondary school to Junior College. But I never jumped on Kusano Akira. Even though Akira may be a baka, that simple happiness he has makes life so much more enjoyable for him.

I am the Shuuji who is fake.
I am the Shuuji who lies.
I am the Shuuji who thinks he feels secure because he has a lot of friends.
I am the Shuuji who wants to believe he is happy.
I am the Shuuji who is nice to people because he is afraid of losing his friends.
But actually Shuuji feels lonely in the crowd.
I am the Shuuji...who is afraid of being lonely.
Kiritani Shuuji, who is afraid of a tomorrow where everyone will hate him.
Shuuji-kun, who needs to understand that he needs to produce himself before he produces Nobuta.
Me, who needs to discover what I actually am.

Yes I am afraid of people detesting me. I am afraid I did something wrong. I am afraid after all my "hard work" I have lied and hurt myself and others.

I am afraid of tomorrow. Tomorrow where I know at least one human being in the world hates me.

Shuuji, don't haunt me.

Please by some miracle, change myself to be like Akira. The less baka Akira.

The realization that Nobuta wo Produce had a hard impact on me on the road to discovering myself made me feel this drama is one I will remember forever. Who said dramas were pointless?

Even the novel may not be the exact thing, it might be a good read to realise something that you yourself knew but never brought it out and fully realise it. Produce yourself. Produce the real you. But at the same time, don't make yourself vulnerable.

Sylvia Plath is one of my favourite poets because of the many ways one can interpret her poems. Ever since I read 'Mushrooms' back in Secondary School. I admire Domoto Tsuyoshi because his voice is haunting, and there's something special about him. ...both of them suffered from depression. Does that mean I'm a depressing person?

So why do I always laugh?

It's as torturing to cry without a reason as when you feel like crying but can't cry.

Sometimes nobody knows why you cried, not even yourself.

There is something my brother cannot do. He cannot pull you out from the Manor of Depression. He can only stay inside with you and accompany you.

But it feels good to drown in his presence.

Ame no naka de.
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Everyday Life : trackback(0) : comment(7)

sometimes i feel like shuuji too >_<

it isnt wrong to want to have frens,
it isnt wrong to feel scared,
it isnt wrong to lie.

no worries sylvia ^^ IM STILL UR FREN RITE HAHA =D

kelly:2006/01/16(月) URL  [編集]

Sylvia!
*hugs*
Everyone feels insecure. You might think that you're baka or that people see you as baka but in actual fact everyone is baka but they hide it well! Sometimes we all have no choice but to put on fronts. Like Christine's actually a closet insecure, unconfident baka too! xD But she's a good liar and pretender xD So you aint the only one who fakes and lies alrighties? xD *hugs*

Sometimes we think we'd done things that are deem unacceptable to people. Mistakes we think we're making. Mistakes we think we made. But there're so many people out there doing the same things, making the same mistakes, the kind of negative impact you think you created had actually dissolved a long time back and it's just plain silly on our part to look back with horror and think about all the embarrassment you created for yourself.

You laugh. I laugh. To mask the self-consciousness. To mask the complicated thoughts. To gain that acceptance. To keep up with that habit and be the cheerful baka girl everyone thinks you are.

Sylvia dear, people'd accept you for who you are. Those that dont, well, they arent worth your time nor your self-consciousness =))

Standing in the rain. People like us, i guess we just love the rain. It's an excuse for me to stay at home without having to answer people who'd ask you why you so zi bi dont want to go out/no one to go out with. They just dont understand that home's the best because that's where you hide all those masks and keep yourself sane.

Stay strong, Sylvia!!!
*hugs*

Christine.:2006/01/16(月) URL  [編集]

yay yay~ haha am i spamming @_@

SYLVIA I LOVE YOU MILLIONS v-238

kelly:2006/01/16(月) URL  [編集]

What is the real you, actually the person who is fake, who lies, who is scared of lonliness and all of the above is the real you, although all are kind of the bad side, hee.. Actually I feel the same way as you too, but I came to accpet those so called bad points of mine eventually.. It is normal that we can only see our bad side, so don't worry about it too much yo!!

I'm sure that there are times when you really cared about someone so you give in to them right? I'm sure there are times when you really wanted your friends to be happy right? These are your good points yo!!

Like what I always say, I think I'm a bad person, but when mei geok asked me in what way was I bad, I can't really answer, most of it was my imagination!! It is the same for you yo, although you say you are fake, but that is only sometimes right? Don't brood over those thoughts so much!!

I'm going to ban you from listening to your nii-chan's songs you!! You became so depressed!! I'll go your house and break every CD of his, I should not have introduce his music to you!! Okay, I was just kidding, hee, I know his songs release some of your stress and anxiety in you, hee.. =P

Go listen to Kinki's old song lar, so stupid and silly, then you can laugh, haha!! Esp. their first stupid song, not Garasu no Shounen, is the "... ... itemasen" one, hahaha!!

Last but not least, see, I'm a bad person and you still accept me, so you are good, haha!! And I accept the "fake" you, which makes me a good person too, hahaha!! Okay, me so bu yao lian, haha!!

In this world, everyone is good and bad at the same time yo!! It is the way of life!! So stop being so negative!! Or I will do the same thing as what pi did to Shige!!

*Read my translation to know about the pi and Shige thingy, muahahaha!!



PS: And why can't my nii-chan sing man?? I dl/ed his SHOCK OST, the instrumental tracks are 100 times nicer!!!!!!!! Not fair, I want your brother's voice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sky:2006/01/16(月) URL  [編集]

このコメントは管理者の承認待ちです

-:2006/01/17(火)   [編集]

heyy sylvia.. what a thoughtful post hmm e-348 wad's most important is to be comfortable with urself v-510 then no matter wad u'll be a happy girl :) jiayou v-346

ur smileys really cute.. cant resist lol

airstir:2006/01/17(火) URL  [編集]

i rmbed my lit tr said sylvia plath commited suicide.. =X is that so?
i guess once in a while everyone will be a little like shuji..like we or at least i can relate to how shuji felt. i thought the book was simply realistic..but that's not everything to reality.there is truth and sincerity around us too!
or that was how i felt after reading the book..
erm..i haven't watched the drama..
but then again the book's ending was to me,
eerily optimistic..eh..i don't know how to describe it..how did u find it?

but cheer up!!
must listen to an equal mix of happier songs..
sometimes..though sad..his songs bring comfort....
i find his voice comforting..though his songs can wench the heart..
>_<..i rambled so much..
but the main pt is
genki ni nare!!!! (^__^)Y

deborah:2006/01/18(水) URL  [編集]

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