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you can't cry because you'll just drown.

2005'09.27
...have you ever had that feeling where you feel like you want to cry, but you have no time to cry? Why is it that one little promotional exam in your life can make youf eel so terrible? Why is it that when you see a rainbow it just doesn't cheer you up? It's not depression but what is it?

Stress?

How can it be called stress? I am just slacking here, and it is my own fault that when I had so much time, I didn't go study hard enough. Can I last through the three hours per paper session? Why am I asking so many questions?

Do you think if he existed in my life, I would go all out and ganbatte for my exams? Would I even have to study if I married him? Aren't my thoughts running too wild now? Is it too early to think that way?

And why am I spending time blogging pointlessly when I should be studying? Did you know that photo I just posted in the previous post is very enticing? Do you know I am attracted to darker stuff only when I feel like the world just brushed my shoulder by? Do I want to stand there alone? Do I need to? Do I want to run and catch up but make myself so tired at the end of the day, or do I want my shoulders to be bruised and bled by the harsh pace of the world?

Do you think I just... crapped? Do you think I seriously need a break?

The fact is, I can't take a break. But aren't I taking one now while blogging...?

No. As I type, the stupid terms people come up with run through my mind. Things like allocative efficiency, perfect competition, monopoly, oligopoly, cost efficiency. And I have just let the merits and demerits of monopoly and perfect competition brush past my shoulder. Like time has just brushed my shoulder.

I want... Well what do I want?
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上記広告は1ヶ月以上更新のないブログに表示されています。新しい記事を書くことで広告を消せます。