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panic disorder-

If I continue listening to Domoto Tsuyoshi's songs any longer, I think when school reopens, you'll see a depressed Sylvia. But I can't help it. Darn the Rosso E Azzurro album with not even the Japanese lyrics. I grew to appreciate the Panic Disorder track suddenly. Tsuyoshi expressed how going through panic disorder feels like.

"Panic disorder is characterized by un-expected and repeated episodes of intense fear accompanied by physical symptoms that may include chest pain, heart palpitations, shortness of breath, dizziness or abdominal distress. These sensations often mimic symptoms of a heart attack or other life-threatening medical conditions. As a result, the diagnosis of panic disorder is frequently not made until extensive and costly medical procedures fail to provide a correct diagnosis or relief." [source]

Tsuyoshi was diagnosed as a panic disorder patient.

And somehow reading more about Tsuyoshi made me feel that I am an ungrateful kid. Tsuyoshi's life seems pretty depressing. (As all his composed songs are.) And I am having such a good life here. I am so well-sheltered.

But I feel like I have no talent. Which makes me feel useless because I am sheltered and talent-less, which means I am like a useless person, desho?

And I got surprised when after I read about Tsuyoshi, I got so depressed that I was staring into space when I ate, and worst of all, the Panic Disorder song was pounding in my head!

Then I FINALLY watched Last Present this morning. Tsuyoshi always takes on a whole variety of characters in dramas, and no matter which character he takes, he plays that role well.

What do you classify as a typical teenager blog? I don't want to think mine is, but I guess it is after all. (Because I fangirl and complain a lot!) If not... It's something more childish than teenage-blogging. xDDD GAKI!! xD

When I read back on my entries, I feel like a baka haha. I don't want to fangirl Domoto Tsuyoshi. I want to admire him for his work. I think I keep getting out of point, so never mind.

And a lot of times I realise I want to break down and cry when I write in my diary, but when I blog, it feels so superficial na! Yappari, no matter how I may attempt at exposing myself, I can't. Curious. Both are my own areas to pour out anything or rant but I can be so different on both.

It's not going to be the same next year. I am afraid of 2006.

Random, I heard someone say at our age we love to write depressing writings. ^^;

When I look at KAT-TUN, they look different to me now. When I look at NEWS they look different too. Who are they? And like most teenage blogs have...

I feel like I can't run anymore, and I'm letting the others run past me. Everything whizzes past me.

But maybe it isn't that bad. Maybe I can smile when I have my own solitude and silence. Isn't that what I want? Yes and no...

I admire Tsuyoshi for being able to come up with weird styles and tastes, but not being afraid to show the audience. He's not afraid to let people see his differences, because that's who he is. I want to be like that. I don't want to be so affected by the glances of others. I don't want to be put down just because I was insulted.

I realised what kind of image I gave people back in secondary school. A STUDY FREAK. I'm sorry, but if you strongly believe I was one, you're wrong, and I don't see the point in being friends with you. Yes I always bring up old bad memories. I am such a person. Maybe I kept too much space for these bad memories such that I don't have enough space for academics.

They used to think that during O Levels I RAN home because I was what they called kiasu (yes that is the exact word, but I don't want to say who told his friends that when I ran home, in case some similar case of me badmouthing anyone leaks), and I wanted to score 100 for my Pyhsics. That wasn't the case. I ran home to see my grandma because she was dead, you asshole.

Appearances are just something to play with after all. I can come to school looking like a nerd on Monday and come on Tuesday to be an Ah Lian. It's only a matter of which face you want to show the people out there. You can play people around until they don't know who you really are.

Change of topic... One by one they are leaving me. I am not supposed to be sad unless I am afraid that we might not be "friends" anymore. Maybe you can call that 'not-yet-100-percent' secure friendship? That is being honest, not being mean. Maybe it's just that I put it in a bad-sounding way. I haven't been in contact with so many Secondary School mates.

I want to write a letter. But for the past month nobody has sent me a letter... Tegami wa nai desu. :(

A sudden urge to draw something depressing. This is the signal to stop listening to Domoto Tsuyoshi!!

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I am such a shortie that I have to use twice the energy to get my posters all the way up my wall. But I had a pole with me anyway, so it wasn't that bad.

After seeing this (found from Tammy's blog), I decided on a new ambition. To be Orchard Road's decorator. xD Of course, I guess they don't have enough funds to make it this pretty?

I was kind of disappointed with Narnia. It's a half-half situation. I loved the scenes, breathtaking and all, and also the sound, but ... it was somehow disappointing and I am not sure why. At times I can't feel love between the siblings. It felt like I just went in to watch a cable tv channel. But the scenes were nice anyway.

Ho, that is the title of this post because I can't get the song out of my head. I was listening to Domoto Tsuyoshi's [si:] album while I cleared my room and put up some more posters, but it only made me doubly tired. But for some reason I couldn't stop listening to the CD!

It's a bit.. scary, this album. Not scary in the sense that it sounds horrifying but it's a bit.. haunting. And it makes one feel depressed and LOST. Hm. Can you say Tsuyoshi's voice feels like it can pierce through one's body? Haha I see a depressing person as a nii-chan?

There's something about the album that even though it makes you feel depressed, you can't make yourself press the stop button on the CD player.

But that's what I like about it HAHA. Darn. That song is still stuck in my head. That's the song that makes people think there's nothing else around for you anymore. ^^; And he repeats everything such that I don't even know which is the chorus. And the whole song lasts more than 7 minutes.

PENCIL is a nice instrumental tune, but near the end when you hear Tsuyoshi's "ghostly" voice, it sends shivers down one's spine. I never heard it the first time I heard that song, until one night when I was the only one awake and I plugged in my earplugs. And I got a bit scared. xDDD It sounds/feels like you're in a dark aquarium, and there's no one around, not even the divers. It's just you and the glass separating you and the fishes. And then this haunting voice floats down to say, "You're not alone."

I have this 'I want to learn Japanese but I don't dare to' feeling inside me. What is there to be scared of, really? Or is it just because I know I will have to go through exams? I kind of hate language exams. You never know what you're going to get. But it's very torturous when you understand only 1/3 of a drama or just that one paragraph in a magazine!

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You're Mukai Arata from "Aiken Rosinante no
Sainan". You have absolutely no idea
what's going on most of the time--not that you
don't care, your brain just can't register it
fast enough. But you've got your heart in the
right place.

Which Domoto Tsuyoshi Character Are You Most Like?
brought to you by Quizilla

quiz result Tsuyo
You are Domoto Tsuyoshi! You are overstressed and
slightly depressed due to your hectic work
schedule. Your only and favourite hobby for how
is fishing, if you can somehow find the time to
do so. You paint your nails and wear skirts
every now and then. You are simply getting

Which member of KinKi Kids are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Are? I mean... Tsuyoshi doesn't wear skirts.....right? O_O
Ahaha but I got Arata?! "Maa ika!" xD Arata is like a blur little student who has a real love for animals. <3

sou desu, some time ago someone by the nickname of Fujiwara passed by my blog. Arigatou ne!! And for your comments and rakugaki doodling! ^__^ Couldn't email her/him because she/he never left an address/email na... (:

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yuki no campus-

...is a nice song. Even though I probably can make my dad pay, but... Let's have a reign on myself and wait patiently next month for my pocket money, since I'm already eyeing on font. de anniversary concert DVD. Which means I don't get to hear that song that they say sounds really sad in the regular edition! JE knows how to earn their money. That's why when I look over to the section where SMAP CDs are in HMV, I feel so happy that they don't release limited and regular!

Er so I just hope that the single is still available next time. Onegai!

I'm doing my Econs project now, while my dad is outside watching a movie. We're going to watch Narnia later.

You see that picture of Tsuyoshi nii-chan on the right side of this banner? That photo costed me $6!! I am such a spender. But Tsuyoshi's official photos are usually nice. And he has a nice voice hahaha.

I find the B-side tracks of the SNOW! SNOW! SNOW! single nicer than the main song.

It's sunny today! Yesterday it was raining , and I was so scared it would thunder, so I went to watch font. de anniversary concert. Er, even though KinKi Kids don't have much hand actions (although haha their dances sometimes learn-able ) it was fun to sing along. In the end oly when I finished watching the whole concert, it started to thunder!

I don't know why but I feel helpless when I hear loud sounds. My mum and dad always say, "You didn't do anything bad for you to be guilty, so why are you scared anyway?!" But that's not the point!! The point is I'm scared of loud sounds! I mean, sudden loud sounds. Like in primary 5/6 we had to rehearse for our stage...play. (Whatever you call it.) Then suddenly there was a problem with the mike, and it released this low surrounding sound that was really loud and it lasted for a while. And I thought I was going to faint!

Does that sound stupid?

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Chain Letters;

(er by the way I am not "shooting" at the person who sent chain letters, but at the person who CREATED them xD)

I am so amused. By chain letters! Once upon a time, perhaps 5 years ago or so, I believed in them. "Send this to 10 people and something good will happen four minutes later." Four minutes went by. The good thing was probably nothing happened.

I don't believe in those chain letters about hotmail, either. "That little man will turn blue!" Rubbish. Uso desu~ I didn't even bother to send it anyway. Nor did I open quite a few.

Yes I delete chain letters, but I read one today.



6. Name A. Person Of The Opposite Sex...

7. Name A. Person Of The Same Sex...

8. The Time Now...

9. Your Age

10. You don't have to write it down, but make a WISH and then scroll down!

*scroll down spamming*

6. That person will have a crush on you after you send this!
7. That person will become your enemy if you don't send this!
8. How long you have to send this!
(Ex: 5:15 = 5 hours 15 minutes)
9. How many peeps you have to send this to!
10. That will come true if you do #9 in the amount of time #8 says!

I deleted 1-5, but anyway.
6) thispersonisnotgoingtohaveacrushonmebecausehe
7)I am sure Sky-chan won't be my enemy because of this ridiculous chain letter. I am sure that friendship can withstand a stupid chain letter created by people who have no life.
8) Oh very funny. Some magic on the time? Can I lie and say it's 00:00 now?
9) Yeah imagine a 90-year-old granny living alone in the mountains receiving this.
10) Oh very sorry I knew this would be the last point so I did not make a silly wish. My wish is for me to fulfill, not a chain letter.

You better finish this test!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is no joke. It works (from experience).
Read this now or forever hold your peace.
This is not just your ordinary chain letter. Every person you send it to, brings you more good luck.

If you send it to no one, it will cause someone you like to hate you.
If you send it to 1 person, your next relationship will have lots of fun times.

If you send it to 2 people, you will get a secret admirer.

If you send it to 3 people, you'll get a date for the next school dance.

If you send it to 4 people, you'll meet the person of your dreams.

If you send it to 5 people, the guy or girl you met of your dreams will ask for your phone number.

If you send it to 8 people, your next relationship will be everlasting.

If you send it to 13 people, your boyfriend or girlfriend, will become totally faithful to you.

If you send it to 15 people, the person you have been crushing on for a very long time, will ask you out.

If you send it to 18 people, your date for the next dance will ask you out.

If you send it to 20 people, you'll make out with your crush at a party..

If it can do that much sending it to 20 people, imagine what it will do if you send it to more.

The consequences:

If you do not send this letter to anybody, your life will be a living hell. You have 5 days to send this letter to at least 1 person. You can send this to as many people as you want to. I am warning you...do not just delete this letter. It is a new chain letter and we would like it to
get sent around as quick as possible. I refused to send it to many people when I first made it in June of 1995, because I didn't believe it would work. I sent it to 38 people, then I got the best boyfriend that I could ever have.

Romantic, Popular, or Brainy?

1) It works from experience only because the chain letter creator was probably the only one who got a boyfriend on coincidence. Besides, she created it. Why does she experience it too? Well do you think I'd get, what, Keii-chan as a boyfriend after I send to a million people out there?
2) My love life is for me to controlled and a chain letter is so puny it cant destroy my love life. (Well.. do you think I'll have one. sorry. sidetrack.)
3) "This is not just your ordinary chain letter." Doesn't every chain letter say that? Until it's become an ordinary meaningless sentence in chain letters already?
4) Lady Luck doesn't have the time to check everyone's email to see who has sent the chain letters all across the world so that she can pass good luck to them. Why not try Felix Felicis instead?
5) I like Vicky, I'm sure if I send to noone, she won't hate me.
6) A kiss because of a chain letters can happen you know. Yea right. IN YOUR DREAMS.
7) "It is a new chain letter and we would like it to get sent around as quick as possible." Well you see? They've let their fox tails out. THIS is their real reason, not to shower you with happiness like you're their saviour.

Get a life. Trying to make people believe that he/she is in grave danger (quoted from Dobby the house-elf) because the creator says so. Who are they? God?

(oooooh end note, no i am NOT shooting this at the sender. I received this many times already, actually.)

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I watched the Dragostea Din Tei performance on Music Station before and I clean forgot about it!

I was looking through the list of performances for MS Super Live then I caught O-ZONE - Koi no Ma-i-a-hi, and I recalled an episode of MS...

way back in 15 July 2005!

No, that isn't the matter because I am NOT a fan of that ah beng anthem, but...



I don't know what's with the cute characters playing mahjong and all. ^^;
See? Kusano was enthusiastically cheering on O-zone after the song. xD And in the second last screencap, he was trying to catch up with the dance. (Along with Pi and Koyama, who looked like they were tired and not enthusiastic. ^^; )

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wrong season;


It's the wrong season to wear a yukata, but I did anyway. ^^;
That's P-chan! (No I didn't name her that because of Yamapi.)

later edit:
hmm sometimes I go through other blogs, and I realise that a lot of people have something to say against certain movies, and they thought it was a waste of money to watch those movies. So far, I haven't encountered any movie that I regretted watching, and even if I have little complaints here and there, overall I am satisfied with the movie.

That is because...I am easily satisfied.

So is it bad to be easily satisfied? Because I don't see the other side of the movie? Or is it just because I don't watch a lot of movies? The movies that I don't like, or am uninterested in, I simply don't bother to know it exists.


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Artwork again.


I went to Ikea with my dad today. Don't really know why but I felt hapy to be with dad even though I constantly argued with him. :P Even though I had headache-y days. >__<

Unfortunately we never got a new desk because I didn't really see what I wanted there. So we got a bookshelf at TPY instead. But dad got us a tealight lantern-like thing for my room haha. (:

Oh yes, not forgetting,


PS: Yeah that's the tealight thing we got. (:

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Eeks I decided to clear out the drawers on my desk today morning then I was wondering, hm, what are these funny brown rice grain-shaped things inside the last drawer? Then I saw this corner with what looked like dust. There was a really foul smell. Then I got pretty scared about the disgusting looking grains.

So I thought back. For some reason, the word 'lizard' came into my mind. And the foul smell... So I peered into the drawer at the mound of dust. And I realised...

It was a decomposing lizard.

No I tell you it was worse than the one that dropped off the wall and went all black. This one looked like dust until you properly notice it and then you realise.. it's decomposed so much that it looks like dust! It was the shape of a lizard in an almost curling position, DECCOMPOSING! *horror*

I vow that tomorrow when I get to Ikea I am not going to get a new bookshelf. I want a new desk instead. And plus... I am never going to trust putting my things into those drawers anymore. Oh and remind me to clear out the other drawer. I am starting to get paranoid about drawers.

I've left my things all over the room, and there's a corner where some of those rice-grain things still lie because I don't dare to clear them out yet. Otou-san helped me wash that drawer.

And it dawned on me that...

Those are probably lizard eggs!!

THEY LOOKED LIKE SOME TERMITES! *shivers* Godh, as I type this, the hairs on my arms are standing so straight it frightens me. I am going to have a nightmare tonight.

And I declare myself having phobia of lizards now!

I think this is quite as scary as the other time when I stepped (and KILLED, without knowing) on a lizard with my bare legs in the dark. *hairs are standing again*

I am so going to clean up my room.

The other day we were painting the room (I think last wednesday), we finally chased out this huge lizard that has been trespassing on MY ROOM for MONTHS. It left its faeces around, okay.

Gosh how come that decomposing smell still lingers in the room?

Oh yes yesterday I finally got the Nobuta wo Produce book! The Chinese version, of course. Gai Zhao Ye Zhu. And I bought the Peanuts Guide to Life book. Then, so unfortunately, when I thought there was no hope in getting Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire OST, I FOUND IT IN CDRAMA and *poof* all my money is gone. Oh I am so glad I have a piggy bank. I'll not use the money inside it! Though I don't know what I'm saving for, but... it is fun to save up money you know.

Headache is getting a little better! I had a headache after returning home yesterday, too. I better sleep better these few days.

Yes I am so looking forward to go to Ikea and rid myself of the horror of my desk! I have a sudden urge to clean out my other drawer but that'll probably add to my headache. *sigh*

Remind me NEVER to buy so much useless stuff until I have to find so many drawers to store them in and give the lizards a chance to ... to... decompose there! *hair stands again*

And the worst thing was, when I was cleaning out my drawers, I was playing my Harry Potter soundtrack, and it so happened that after the horror of the third drawer, they played some scary music, I think that was the DARK MARK track, and I was so scared when I removed the second and first drawer! I wonder if my hands were shaking.

Me: "Paaaa!! I still don't dare to touch that drawer!"
Dad: "*sighs* You are really lousy! Luckily you're a girl."

Yea I'll admit.

We went to the zoo two days ago, and I got this pocket watch. Well sort of pocket watch. Pretty useful though I have a watch on my wrist. I mean, at home.. I just keep it near me so I don't have to go around looking for a clock to tell the time.

I'm considering putting all my Harry Potter books and DVDs and soundtracks and games together. Er, but that will come AFTER I've made sure that my room is safe.

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Saiyaku na anata wa-

Maybe it isn't such a good thing to have so many things you want to do. You have so many things to do that the week before the next, you know your week ahead is fully "booked", and then suddenly... an abrupt yet probably important event comes up, and you have to tell the people around you, "sorry I can't make it." "sorry, I have something on, so we have a change of plans. let's postpone it."

Then when all the mess and confusion settles in, suddenly, "Oh, I didn't tell you I wasn't free that day?!"

THEN when you have to postpone the whole thing, suddenly you feel that originally you so badly wanted that rest, and finally you can't get that rest, you cant even get your time to do homework, because you postponed that promise, and you have to go out the entire of next week ALL OVER AGAIN.

Damn it. If it's like that, I don't want to go anywhere anymore! I want to do so many things, and maybe that isn't a good thing.

I was pretty happy and satisfied that the week was planned for, and my period is over, then my mood got spoilt in the end.

I tell you in advance. NO I AM NOT FREE THIS WEEK ENTIRELY, and I AM NOT FREE at all next Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and so on.

I was supposed to really look forward to tomorrow. But even if soomething was cancelled and the trip can go smoothly, I feel so upset now. Every time something comes to upset me, I can't reverse it. BAH. I don't understand why I feel upset. But I do.

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in my heart;

Uwa, sometimes this song makes me wish I had bought the regular edition instead. Hm okay, I don't understand the whole song, but I could make out some English and.. some of the English was only realised after looking at the romanji version of the song. *faints*

"I believe this story hasn't ended yet, but...
In my heart
I’ll never need your love again
Everything is over now..."

Holidays are ending!!!!!!!!!!!! *cries*

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I forgot that it was a blade when I washed my shaver and slid my thumb over it. It hurt a lot!! (Yes I am your regular pampered little kid. ) Stupid me, I was staring at the blade, and then I didn't realise I could get cut! BAKA! At least it was my right thumb, not the left. If not, I'll wail day and night for days that I can't draw/write!

Hm and I realised when I feel pain, I no longer hiss or say "ouch". Guess what. "ITAI!" And I didn't realise it until later when I put on a plaster.

I haven't really been "online". I've been watching dramas, reading books, painting the house, deciding where to put my posters, going out, drawing, ATTEMPTING to do homework, playing Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban PC game. Yay.

So, Nobuta wo Produce and Hana Yori Dango are finishing this week, and 1 Litre no Namida next week. So that'll be three dramas off my list by this holiday.

List of dramas I'm currently watching:
-Suekko Chonan Ane Sannin
-Ganbatte Ikimasshoi
-Kindaichi Season 2 (going on to Season 1 already)
-Ima Ai ni Yukimasu (drama version)
-Hana Yori Dango
-Nobuta wo Produce
-1 Litre no Namida


Anyway. Yesterdaymy dad managed to persuade me to get out of the house. So we went to TPY, and I went to the library! My dad's first time in there, and he was super interested in those magazines about plasma TVs and all that stuff (gee how come I forgot the term for it? ) So he sat there reading those while I searched for books to borrow. In the end I borrowed Sekai no Juushin ________. (Sorry, lazy to grab the book here and type i the full title.) The english title is 'Crying out Love in the Center of the World' I think. This book was translated into Chinese. Hm I am lousy at looking for books in the library.

So I couldn't find Roverandom by JRR Tolkien at first! Then I searched the online catalog, and it said the book was unborrowed. But I only found one Tolkien book there, and that was Tales from the Perilous Realm, which I already have. But then just when I was disappointed I saw the book on another shelf, hiding among thick thick books. YAY. I couldn't find this book in Kinokuniya.

So I'm reading three books at once now.
-Sekai no Juushin _____
-The Hobbit

My chinese isn't very good, so I got a bit of problem reading that Chinese book, but it's okay, I get the meaning of it. Wahaha the guy in the story is called Matsumoto ___taro. xDDD See, I can't really translate well. MATSUMOTO.

Or maybe I should watch the movie. But I heard it isn't that nice. Not as nice as Ima, Ai Ni Yukimasu anyway. (Ohhh Hiroki in the drama version!! Couldn't imagine him playing a father at first. I still prefer the actress in the movie version. (: But the little boy is so cute.)

Yesh, so I got two movie targets: Memoirs of a Geisha and NARNIA.
Not bad. Although I still don't like how they changed the geisha's hair! Oh by the way, I saw that geisha book by Iwasaki Mineko (with Rande Brown) at Popular selling for only $8+! AND IT WAS HARDCOVER EDITION! I was like, irritated by it. I bought the paperback edition and it was about $20!

Yea anyway, 以上.

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[Ginny Weasley]

Happy birthday to me today! Thanks to everybody who has wished me a happy birthday! (:

Okaa-san bought crabs for dinner! Otou-san bought a cute cake... I don't even bear to eat the cake you know...


Uwaaaaaa~ Tammy's card for me! ARIGATOU! *hugs*

It's a futsu (normal) day, very peaceful and quiet (save the stupid guy skateboarding upstairs) but I'm happy. ((:

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i miss you-

i miss shuting, even though I just met her yesterday.
i miss vanessa, her huge smile and our greedy experiments at Meidi-ya.
i miss amanda, my cousin, because we've not been speaking anymore.
i miss tammy, even though we've only met once.
I miss kelly, even though we've never met at all!
I miss grandma, but she's gone.
I miss Pest, because I want to hug her.
i miss jiawen and waiyan, they've been taking care of me. (:

Oh but I'll definitely not miss Tuna and Bacon pasta at Pastamania. HAHAHA. Remind me never to try that again.

Oh I have no idea why I blogged this. It just came to mind.
I am such a simple person. So innocent and ignorant.
I am so sheltered!

Happy birthday to myself in 3 hours and 15 minutes' time.

Thank you Waiyan, Pest and Jiawen for the lunch. Had fun chatting. HO! Finally someone around me said Cedric was good-looking. But I didn't like the way he tried to pull Harry back to get the cup, though.

We talked about school, Harry Potter, and of course Pest's PIGGY!! xD poor tortured fella. Oh don't worry I do that to my soft toys too.

That Mickey shop is attractive. Shall shop there for new year clothes. (Yea I know, don't remind me of my yukata first. I do need new clothes for the rest of the year right?! How many times have I been wearing the same thing already?)

My room got repainted today and I was so exhausted after that. Now, painting the living room and kitchen were such a breeze. You have no idea how horrible it is to paint my room. Oh my gosh I have to put the posters back up again! Considering rearranging my posters and stuff.

Yesterday Shuting and I went out together. It's our first annual birthday trip. I still can't believe I am older than her. We bought matching bracelets, but they were so huge, they can double as an anklet too. But it's very pretty. Though it's simple. We took so long to choose!

We took neoprints and looked at our spastic faces.

We shopped around in Kinokuniya, and I got myself a PEANUTS book. Snoopy the Fearless Leader! Although I had enough money, I didn't get the Anniversary Treasury sets because it costed $54 per set. *shiroi-chan shock* (Akira-mode on!) KON! I saw the Memoirs of a Geisha book too, but I did't know you could go to counter D to open it, so maybe next time I shall go try. Oh but I'm definitely not going to buy it. $75. Why do I always spot the expensive things?

I LOVE LOVE LOVE SHUTING'S PRESENT FOR ME! A sketchbook and a magazine about Japan! Oh my gosh the sketchbook!! What is inside the sketchbook is a secret unless Shuting allows me to divulge it haha. When I saw what was inside, I went "OH MY GOD!" so loudly in the food court! Shuting had to hush me up. HAHA.

"See, Sylvia, I made your dream come true." -Shuting.

Yeah my pally-wally who has a passion in drawing too. Knows me best how to make me shriek. I love that sketchbook. I LOVE IT TO BITS.

I love Pest's present too! A blue piggy bank! It's sitting in my freshly-painted room now. I am so eager to put coins in it! So I put the coins in Pest's piggy bank (OH I LOVE PIGS! ) and the notes in Waiyan's piggy bank. heehee.

Shuting and I also went to art-friend and we "tested" markers like nobody's business. Only with someone who loves drawing can we explore artfriend like that. We (okay or actually I) played with the markers so much I wonder what if I reduced the ink a fair bit. Maybe if I finally bear to, I will get the brush markers. Black ones for hair. ((: They are a wonder! I enjoyed testing them out. Er of course copic markers are out of the question. I wasn't born with real art talent, I doubt I can get that good to do copic markers right. (Well and look at their price.)

We got caught in the rain and I nearly slipped because of my slippers, but actually in the end it was pretty fun.

1litre, nobuta and hyd end this week.


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let me off-

I am meeting so many people this week. I want my time at home. I want my solitude. Even though I know I said that I am afraid of loneliness. I sound like I am pushing everyone away, but I want my time alone and I thought I could. But I can't.

Please, don't remember my birthday.

I know the SHUUJI in me is appearing again, but I can't help it.

Even if you wish me a "Happy Birthday", I don't mind it. I appreciate it. There are people (loads of them) out there who prefer celebrating birthdays with friends, and celebrating at home, simply staying at home, is a no-no. I'm sorry if I sound like an obaa-chan, but I think otherwise.

The way I put it makes it look like I don't like having friends. I LOVE MY FRIENDS! Every single one out there. But.

I am tired.

I want my time alone.

I've been being nice all through out my 16 years. Do I want to make it a 17? I've been accomodating people. I be nice because I am scared of people hating me. I am soft-hearted. I hurt myself. And also others, by lying to them about my feelings.


Of course, I know there are loads of people out there who have tolerated me. I know! I am a hassle, I am very troublesome. I thank you for your tolerance. But everybody has different levels of tolerance. Min is really low.

I am a selfish liar.

I don't want to do it.

Was it wrong to make so many friends?

No, I want to tell myself it wasn't.

But how do I do that?

I'm really, really tired.

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Shounen Club 11/12/2005

Producer: Kato Shigeaki
Theme: Arigatou

Ryo looked happy playing. And he rid himself of his 1 Litre no Namida hair!

Hikaru's letter was sweet! He addressed it to Yuuto. He said something like:

"I have four siblings at home/ I am part of four siblings, but I don't have a younger brother. Yuuto doesn't have an older brother. So if I can be your older brother, I'd be very happy."

And I guess Yuuto's reply was that he mentioned that he wanted Kame and Hikaru as brothers in Jyannis. "Kamenashi is the eldest, Hikaru is the second eldest and I will be the third."

During the letter exchange section, they played Ao no Jidai, PIANO version! But then after the touching music, suddenly the light shies on Yabu and he starts to sing. I still can't adapt to his voice. Shoon seemed to be missing from the whole show! Did something happen to him? They always let Hikaru and Yabu sing. So unfair.

Didn't know Yamapi wrote Ashita he.

Keii-chan piggy-backed Massu! Massu is so heavy! Keii-chan is so skinny! And after their verse they fell down lol.

Kawai (from Acrobat Boys Club; eeee don't want to say ABC) was such a cute baby last time! But he grew up to be er..

I didn't like Shige's solo. :( He wasn't dancing vigorously enough. And It's practically all rapping! I'd rather he SING. Wahhh and why did they add so many English words inside?!

I skipped a lot. Including Takki and WONDERFUL WORLD. (Tbeen singing Wonderful World for AGES.)

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Keeper of Culture;

New art. I finally drew something satisfactory.

[Keeper of Culture]

Maiko and Geisha; the famous symbols of Japan, and they retain the traditional side of that country. (:

Didn't get enough sleep again. Guess I was scared of being alone in the house. >_<

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Yours Only - m-flo

I'm thinking of buying m-flo's album. HMV was playing it when I was browsing the J-Pop section. And they went on SMAPXSMAP before. ((:

Two new art pieces. Recently I don't seem to be able to draw properly!

[Andromache | Fawkes ]

I'm sorry Fawkes! I didn't mean to make you look like a fat chicken! I actually attempted to draw Shuuji to Akira last night, and I couldn't get the hang of Shuuji's hair! So I decided to just give up and draw Nobuta, then I couldn't do Nobuta's hair either! What's wrong with me recently? THEN, I was so frustrated, I just anyhow sketched Shuuji's hair, and tadaa, it was good.

So why did I crush the piece and throw it away?
-Because Akira's eyes were too big.
-Because Shuuji's eyes were weird.

I'm not on the computer as often as I used to be, so I actually don't go on MSN anymore, am not very active on Abaka, and don't visit as many blogs as I used to. Because I turn off the computer sometimes, or leave it to download while I do something else.

Do you think I will get SNOW!SNOW!SNOW! single? Hehe after H album, I'm contented. ((: Don't really like that SNOW!SNOW!SNOW! song a lot. Or maybe it's just because I heard an unclear version.

99% Liberty PV is sugoku kawaii! But I can't screencap it, becaus eit's in the DVD, and I don't have the .avi file, neither can my computer read DVDs. So sad. The escape part was so cute! (Sorry the whole time I looked at Tsuyoshi...)

Suekko Chonan Ane Sannin Can't play on my TV, so I guess I have to watch it on computer. I realise that when Arashi sings WISH on Hana Yori Dango, the video file, when played on TV, will get errors too, so I always skip that. My DVD Player doesn't like Arashi! (Oh but it can play Arashi WISH PV!)

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artttttt (:

*Warning: HBP spoilers. (But anyway, who read later than me?!)

[The Lightning-Struck Tower]

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1 Litre of Tears ep.8

I cried like mad for this episode. Especially when Haruto broke down and cried. And when the class sang the choir competition song. (:

And the other thing that made me cry was when the class was talking behind Aya's back, and then Haruto finally stood up and said, "If you didn't want to help her, then from the start, don't try to act nice!"

Eeks eyes are kind of itchy from crying too much.

Really, you can actully collect 1 litre of tears from watching this drama. X_X

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I don't snore. Anyway.

King Lear, or rather Shakespeare, has the ability to get me into slumberland, so remind me when I can't get to sleep, MAKE ME READ MY LITERATURE TEXTS.

This fine afternoon, just as Sylvia finished her bowl of porridge, she picked up her KING LEAR book to read so she could get Lit homework over and done with. The initial interest in KING LEAR faded when Earl Kent started calling Oswald the steward a knave one too many times and produces up a whole chunk of pages and pages of words of anger shot at Oswald, which could be summed up in three lines. Of course, you have to make it longwinded to show his anger, aye?

Knave, knave, knave. Ack.

And it involves them into an argument and Edmund the bastard (really, that's what they call him in the books. They can just put Edmund, but they just keep on calling him Edmund the bastard.) comes in and tries to act like a goody!!

Then as Kent rants further on saying that Oswald is a whoreson, Sylvia finally lets go of the book and her pillow and falls asleep right where the hot sun is shining on. She slept so long, she even had the time to dream! How lovely.

And when she woke up, it was already 4 in the afternoon. What a waste of time, she thinks. And here she is, typing things that don't make sense, and have nothing to tell but only that it shows that she is going quite mad. As mad as Lear.

This is the typical waking up madness of Sylvia the... Sylvia the... well Sylvia the _____ .

Oh yea by the way, since I stopped crapping *above*, something random:
It's totally UNWISE to approach me when I've just awoken from my sleep. You're attempting to provoke a dragon (albeit a short but cute *thick skinned* one). (Hey I'm born in the Dragon year YAY.)

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No I didn't get a new one. Until now, I still can't make my yukata look neat and tidy! Maybe it's because I can't really reach my back well, and I need somebody to do it for me. But unfortunately, nobody is there to do it for me because... my parents don't know how to assemble a yukata, and they don't bother to learn anyway. xD When I finish tying the obi ribbon in front, when I shift it to the back, already, the yukata looks even untidier!!

I think I'll be better helping someone to put on her yukata rather than doing mine myself. Eeks.

I didn't sleep for my 8 hours today! (Er my family is kind of strict on this.) It's because okaa-san found a job a few days ago, and she went to work and I'm alone at home. I only just realised how much I am afraid of being alone like that, even in the comfort of my home. Especially when it's dark. Dark + Solitude is a scary combination!! Oh wait, dark + solitude + thunderstorm is the SCARIEST combination. All three that I am scared of!

Shiroi-chan wa YOWAI na~

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House of Black

New fanart. :) [The Black Sisters]

Nowadays I seem to have nothing to blog about!
To tell the honest truth I am getting a bit tired of HYD. Sigh.
The house is going to get repainted soon.

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it hurts-

Episode 7 of Nobuta wo Produce hit me so hard, I nearly cried. Except that the fact that okaa-san was nearby so I couldn't cry. I was like Nobuta last time. Now I am like Shuji. I am not the popular kid, but... how come I seem to be trying to be nice, not voice out, just so that I don't lose anybody, nor do I make any enemies and most importantly,

...so that people don't hate me?

Shuji said, "Tomorrow, everyone will start hating me. The feeling of being hated by someone... is scary."

Why do I never achieve balance...?

Why do I show them my smile? is that smile really what I wanted to show in the beginning? No matter where I am, I feel like I don't really fit in well? Like a genuine, perfect fit?

I hate the feeling of people hating me. I don't really think about this; the feeling just lies inside me somewhere, until Shuji brought it up again.

Who knew watching Nobuta wo Produce could make me want to cry, when it's supposed to be a sort of comical drama? But somehow beneath the hilarity everybody seems to be able to find something in it. It relates more closely to our age. Like how we see the adult world. (:

Nobuta is a good drama. (:

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warning sign;


You can take a look at the bigger version HERE.
It's Saturday, a.k.a. Kelly gone to Korea already...?

edit: I finished a Remus + Tonks fanart yesterday!
Click Here

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Innocent Kiss


From the zoo. I miss Animal Farm!

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New Art

Hm. Why do I keep drawing Empresses?
I realise I'm drawing my first decent Harry Potter artwork! And who is in it? Lupin and Tonks.
Ooh thinking back I did draw some HP fanart before.. I tell you, they were HORRIBLE!! xD Eh but I realised I can't get away from Anime style now. *cries*
My drawings now are still pretty dull, for some reason, I think I got a problem with making them look outstanding or something! But if you compare, of course now better than last time. ^^;

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yawning at 12:15pm;

Yeah I just woke up. Hey my computer randomly picks a day where it displays the Japanese characters without me turning on the NJStar function. Which, by the way, I think is why my internet explorer keeps on experiencing errors. I haven't been updating lately huh.

Since I'm posting, might as well pick a random image I took from the zoo! (Hehe I'm in i-mode smilies today. )


1st of September! That's Eewei's tanjoubi too. And I went with her to the zoo that day. That day we discovered a lot of animal habits, and we even went to read the information boards. The baboons were especially funny. And when we walked all the way back from animal farm, the I-forgot-its-name monkey shrieked so loud that when we were out of the zoo we still could hear it!

I love animal farm. It's where you can get the closest to the animals.


Kirei desho?!!

Going to the temple with otou-san later. Haven't been going there for a long time. Um I regret a little, for not getting Narnia yesterday. TIMES bookshop had a 20% offer on it! Oh yea and I couldn't find Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire video game. And the OST too. But that's alright, no hurry. I'm not even sure if I want to get the video game because I haven't even finished PoA. (Eeks I was at the last stage, then my computer had to be reformated! )

Went to watch Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire for the third time yesterday, too. And my dad missed all the important points! See:

*Crouch stares at Moody*
*Dad is looking at the empty popcorn box and folding it*
*Moody slips on Barty Crouch Jr.'s habit on his tongue*
*Dad misses it and so obviously did not catch the same habit when Harry entered the Pensieve.*

Second one?

Voldemort: Pick up your wand! I said pick up your wand! ... we must first bow to each other. I said BOW!
*Dad's phone rings, he answers it, and all this while...*
Voldemort: Crucio! ...blah blah I am going to make you beg for death, and I'll be so kind and give it to you blah blah...
Dad: Hey sorry, I'm watching movie. *hangs up on phone* Huh I miss Voldemort!

Did you know? Voldemort (Ralph Fiennes) was the voice actor of Rameses in Prince of Egypt!!

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