"Like most Is, ISFJs have a few, close friends. They are extremely loyal to these, and are ready to provide emotional and practical support at a moment's notice." (http://typelogic.com/isfj.html)
While this stands true, nobody ever told you that an ISFJ girl bears grudges if you've hit some spot in her heart. Everyone expects the ISFJ girl, who "prove[s] over and over that they can be relied on for their loyalty" to be the sweet, tolerant girl who SHOULD not voice out ugly opinions or lash out hurtful remarks about others.
Yes we are mean, we cannot let go, we cannot forgive (at least not easily). To tell the truth, I have never forgiven countless people. So you thought Sylvia was such a nice, forgiving girl!
It's tiring to bear grudges, so you ask me, why do I stupidly bear them? Like all other fools who have given the same excuse, this is me, and I have tried letting go but I couldn't. I have a secret desire inside, just like Pip (Great Expectations), to pay back, to take revenge, on the people who have hurt me. Why do you have to take me like I HAVE to be nice, because I have given you a chance and shown you I CAN be nice?
It's tiring to be fake and put on a happy smile and act all sweet when I don't mean it, but it's equally tiring to confront the issue harshly, so what should I do? Confront in a soft manner? Sorry, but I've learnt and learnt again and again that this is a stupid way to handle things because the world isn't all nice, really. It's tiring to be harsh, because after being all sweet to everyone and saying "It's okay" a million times and above, you form an expectation and worry for yourself that you need to be approved by others, to let others realise how nice you are, how beautiful you are. And then when you reveal what you think, people immediately say you're ugly without having known the truth. Then you have to learn to accept the fact that you just shattered your pretty reputation and you can't please half the population.
Thanks for calling me a bitch, and you are not forgiven. I don't accept apologies. What you've said is done and already done. It's what you meant, and you couldn't control it. It's your right to call me whatever you want. In your eyes I am a bitch. But I cannot tell you if I really am one.
Use me, abuse me, and you never learn. Ten years down the road, I bet I can still recite the list of people whom I bear grudges against. You think I'm cruel, I can't let go. TEACH me how to, for I cannot see the path before which I must take.
Now it comes to saying this, I have something else to comment about. In case anyone says then why did I tell a certain someone to change when I don't know how to change myself? Guess what, don't tell me we never told a certain someone what we felt could be learnt and improved on,but someone didn't take the hint. It wasn't even a hint, it was an outright honest comment. But obviously, no matter how many times the cycle repeats, someone just doesn't learn. You don't even care. You just say sorry and think that that will end everything. You said you tried to change, every single time this topic is brought up, but when we ask you, "What have you changed?" all you can do is smoke a lousy cigarette and tell us, "I did change a bit." but you have not answered our question. That's because you have no answers. Where's your trying?
Yes I sound harsh, but do you want to live in a world where I cheat your feelings and behind your back, I spit and curse?
And in case the scenario repeats like that girl who called me autistic which I haven't forgave and whom I wish I could slap, I tell you now I did NOT mention names in the post and thus you cannot say I was referring to you unless you were guilty of it.
I'm really tired, but all you can see is that you want me to fulfil your expectations. I don't forgive easily. But when I do, it means that you mean A WHOLE LOT to me. Among the list, I think I have only ever forgiven one person. The croo-croo-jer. Ha.